His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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