Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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