One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
