final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
