I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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