how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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