so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am naked and annoyed.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
