so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
