I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
