Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize