after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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