You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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