You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
