watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
