Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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