i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
