My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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