i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
