If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
