did you get engaged???
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
