Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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