My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
