make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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