well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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