OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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