We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
