Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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