just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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