K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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