Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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