but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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