Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
