I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
