She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
