Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
