guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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