i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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