That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
