I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
