i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
