People in love make me want to vomit
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
