i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
