i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
