It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
