i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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