And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
