my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
