Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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