wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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