my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
