just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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