I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
