I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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