What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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