can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
