i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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