i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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