I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize