I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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