tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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