Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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