i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
