plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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