I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
