you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
