her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
