So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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