Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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