Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I touched a dick in church today
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
