he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
