I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
