shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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