Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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