I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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