ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
