u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
