If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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