Swine flu. Run for my life!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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