Please, let me fuck your mom
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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