The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
