i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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