I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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