Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
