I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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