I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
