i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
